Introverts

I am an introvert. I’ve known that for a long time, but a recent book I read (a very introverty way to learn, by the way) revealed much I didn’t realize about introversion and how thoroughly I fit the mold. So, for my extrovert (and introvert) friends, here are some things you should know.

1. Introverts don’t need to be fixed. Western culture tends to value extroversion. (Can you name one introvert we’ve recently elected to political office?) The outgoing, gregarious, aggressive individual is the one who succeeds (or so we believe). Although an introvert may sometimes envy the ease with which an extrovert socializes, introversion is not a psychological disability.

2. Extroverts gain energy from social interactions; introverts are drained by social interaction. Introverts need alone time to recharge. One introvert observed, “If we leave a party early, it’s not because we’re party poopers. We’re just pooped. Socializing takes a lot out of us.” Another noted, “We don’t need alone time because we don’t like you. We need alone time because we need alone time. Don’t take it personally.” Another added, “To live as an introvert in a world dominated by non-introverts is to recognize that most everything is a trap. There is an ongoing effort to suck the energy out of you. That is key to understanding introverts: while extroverts gain energy from human interactions, introverts expend energy during these interactions. For us, that energy is rarely regained in sufficiently equal amounts.”

3. Introverts hate small talk. Small talk is the hardest form of communication for an introvert. An introvert needs a reason to talk. Introverts like deep conversations one-on-one or in small groups about topics that interest them. One writer noted, “If you're giving energy in a social situation, the most rewarding scenario will be one with purpose, one after which you feel as if you learned something substantial or made a real connection. With chit-chat, the gutter level of conversation, it’s hard to transcend surface interactions, an utterly depleting experience for introverts.”

4. Extroverts think by talking; introverts think before talking. (This is why, one writer contends, a meeting of extroverts never lasts less than six hours!) Extroverts learn through trial and error. Introverts learn through observation. Introverts want to have a thorough understanding of an issue before voicing an opinion. Someone observed: “The extrovert doesn't know that if an introvert isn't talking, they are still thinking.” Introverts may appear clueless. In reality, they are probably processing information and the environment of the moment. Introverts tend to be aware of the feelings of others present and will likely be direct but tactful when they do speak.

5. Introverts are friendlier than they appear to be. Introverts are not arrogant. Introverts love people, they just don’t feel the need to be around them all the time. Introverts are not likely to circulate at a social gathering, introducing themselves to everyone. They prefer to get to know others through observation first. One introvert shared that “there really is no better puzzle than a human being, which is another reason we like to observe from a distance. Interacting with a person does tell you quite a bit, but because you have to interact, you lose focus on observing.”

One more insight: “We love to party just as much as the next guy. If by party, you mean crack open a laptop/book/magazine in a comfy chair. Because that’s what we mean by ‘party.’” So, feel free to invite me to your next gathering. But please don’t be offended if I sit in a corner with my Kindle app and regard the rest of you from across the room!



Check out Dr. Carmella’s Guide to Understanding the Introverted!
Here is an excellent TED Talk on the topic.

A servant's heart

Two years ago I transitioned out of the classroom into a technology support role in my school district. Four of us were designated “Technology Integration Specialists.” (We were amused by the title because none of us felt very “specialized” at that point.) Although the other three had been employed in the same school district, we had only a passing acquaintance.

From our very first meeting we four, plus our curriculum director (assigned to supervise and keep us in line, I presume!), established a relationship of mutual trust and respect. Working with this group helped make the last two years of my teaching career very fulfilling ones. With two of us retiring, we met one more time for lunch a few days ago. As I drove home, I contemplated what it was that was special about this group of five individuals who gelled and functioned in a way I’ve too rarely experienced.

Then it came to me: each of my four co-workers has a servant’s heart! Though we never stated it in so many words, when we came together we instinctively knew that we shared these priorities: (1) what was best for our students, (2) what was best for our staff, and (3) what was in the best interest of the school district as a whole.

Egos were never a factor in the group dynamic. We were free to openly and safely express our thoughts on a given matter, agreeing or disagreeing, because we knew the motivation of each of the others, and it was never self-interest. If one made a statement in contradiction to another, we knew that person was only seeking the common good, and that their point of view was worth considering. In such an environment, amazing things can be accomplished!

Paul teaches this in Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” How does one develop a servant’s heart? I’m not sure, but I’m fairly certain of two things: (1) It is a gift from God and (2) He wants each of His children to have one.

Thank you Colleen, Teresa, Mark, and Mickey. I will remember with gratitude the unique working relationship we had.