First world problems

If you watch the nightly news for more than five minutes, you are well aware of third world problems—poverty, malnutrition, disease, illiteracy—the list goes on. But did you know there are first world problems?* The Urban Dictionary defines “first world problems” as “Problems from living in a wealthy, industrialized nation that third worlders would probably roll their eyes at.” Yes, you and I encounter them daily!

Some of my first world problems:

• Since the automatic locks stopped working, I have to manually lock the back doors of my van.
• Since a new security system was installed, if I leave school for a meeting and forget to take my key, I have to walk to the front door, push a button, and ask permission to get back in.
• Since my color cartridge dried up and I haven’t replaced it, I have to print everything with black ink.
• I haven’t upgraded my Internet service, and some web pages take 10 seconds or more to load.
• I have so many shirts in my closet, it’s really inconvenient to reach the ones at the end.
• I like the energy savings from my CFL light bulbs, but I have some of the early models that take up to 30 seconds after I flip the switch to reach full strength.

What are your first world problems? Did you identify with any of mine? Does it help put your day in perspective? Thank God for His blessings today!

*Have you wondered, where is the second world? The short answer is the former socialist states under the influence of the Soviet Union. The long answer is here.

Favorite words

I like words. Some words are just fun to say. Others bring to mind a picture that perfectly fits the meaning. Here are some of my favorite words, along with Merriam-Webster’s* definitions.

• flabbergasted: overwhelmed with shock, surprise, or wonder
• serendipity: luck that takes the form of finding valuable or pleasant things that are not looked for
• brouhaha: great excitement or concern about something
• hullabaloo: a situation in which many people are upset and angry about something
• cantankerous: difficult or irritating to deal with
• jocularity: noun form of jocular: given to jesting :  habitually jolly (Habitually jolly? Love it!)
• onomatopoeia: the naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound associated with it (as buzz, hiss)
• kerfuffle: disturbance, fuss 
• lackadaisical: feeling or showing a lack of interest or enthusiasm
• oxymoron: a combination of words that have opposite or very different meanings
• asterisk: a symbol * that is used in printed text especially to tell someone to read a note that can be found at the bottom of a page (Many just call it a star. What a missed opportunity!)
• Albuquerque: city central New Mexico pop 448,607 (And if you hail from there, you are an Albuquerquean.)
• curmudgeon: a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man (You’re thinking of someone right now, aren’t you?)
• debauchery: bad or immoral behavior that involves sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.
• frazzled: put in a state of extreme physical or nervous fatigue
• melancholy: an abnormal state attributed to an excess of black bile and characterized by irascibility or depression (Black bile? Who knew? Black bile: a humor of medieval physiology believed to be secreted by the kidneys or spleen. How does one reduce one’s excess?)
• obnoxious: unpleasant in a way that makes people feel offended, annoyed, or disgusted (Again, someone popped into your mind … right?)
• periwinkle: a trailing plant with large blue flowers that is used as a ground cover and in window boxes or a light purplish blue (Such a happy word!)
• scrumptious: very pleasant to taste (I think the definition needs a bit more punch.)
• bloviate: to speak or write verbosely and windily (I picture it being delivered by a corpulent—having a large bulky body—politician.)
• discombobulate: upset, confuse
• shenanigan: a devious trick used especially for an underhand purpose
• regurgitate: to bring food that has been swallowed back to and out of the mouth (Sorry for the image. I didn’t say they all were pleasant.)
• pandemonium: a wild uproar
• lollygag: to spend time doing things that are not useful or serious : to fool around and waste time (Such as creating this blog.)

Those are some of my favorites. What are yours? Comment below.

*www.merriam-webster.com

Conference survival guide

I’m leaving in the morning for a computer educator’s conference. I only attend one or two conferences a year, but over time that’s added up to quite a few, making me something of an expert on how to successfully navigate such an event. Here are my strategies.

1. Dress casually. My younger colleagues give me incredulous looks when I tell them there was a time I wouldn’t dream of wearing anything less than a coat and tie to a conference. The one I’m attending tomorrow is advertised as “business casual.” To a teacher that means one thing: jeans.
2. Leave at least 15 minutes earlier than you think you need to. You will make at least one wrong turn. When you walk into your first session 15 minutes late, everyone will turn and stare and have one of two thoughts: “They made a wrong turn,” or “They should have skipped the line at Starbucks.”
3. Use this foolproof method to choose your workshop sessions: Cut apart your conference guide. Without looking, pick one piece. Attend this session. Session descriptions never match the actual content. Save yourself the time and agony of poring over the list.
4. Prepare for session envy. If you ignored Number 3 and actually believed the description you were reading, you will be disappointed. Your friend who attended the one with the bland description, however, will declare it to be “the best one I’ve ever attended.”
5. Sit near the back/front. You have a decision to make here. If you’re young and still have 20/20 vision, sit near the door so you can escape unnoticed when the session proves to be worthless. (If you leave early enough, you can slip into another session, in which case another option may be added to Number 2 above, “Their other session was a dud.”) If you’re my age, sit near the front so you can actually see the presentation. (If the presenter has to say, “I know those of you in the back can’t see this,” why didn’t they just make it BIGGER to begin with?)
6. Pick up all the free vendor goodies you can. Yes, you will soon recognize them for the useless trinkets they really are, but you can relish the few moments when they still feel like treasures. (The ones with the little chocolate bars are the best.)
7. Attend the luncheon. You’ve already paid for it, and usually it’s pretty good. If not, it’s a good conversation starter. During the last ten minutes of the keynote speech, when the speaker has stopped saying anything of value and is determined to make you late to your next session, you can check messages on your phone.
8. Park strategically. Friday, 3:00: everyone will be rushing for the exit at once. Be ready!

These are the suggestions of a veteran conference attendee. Disregard them at your own peril!

Pet Peeve #1: Forwards

I’m not sure I’ll write about another pet peeve, but I’ve labeled this #1 just in case.

I’m irritated by forwards. Not all forwards, but forwards that fall into two categories: those that promise blessing or that shame me if I do or do not forward them, and those that are forwarded ad infinitum with no regard to the validity of the contents.

One rarely sees snail-mail chain letters any more (probably because no one can afford to send them, not to mention that if they promise monetary gain they are illegal), but chain letters via e-mail are thriving! One I received this morning urged me to “Keep this going.” And further advised me that, “Now you're on the clock! In 9 minutes something will make you happy. ;-) But you have to tell this story to 9 people, Go!”

Friend, I may agree 100% with the opinion stated in your e-mail, but if I get to the end and I am promised anything, or if you attempt to induce guilt, you may be 100% assured that I will not forward it! And I refuse to suffer one iota of remorse!

My God does not bless, nor does He reprove, based upon either my willingness or failure to forward a message, regardless of content. I’m sorry if your god does.

I suppose it’s human nature but why, when we receive a message containing opinions that echo our own biases, are we so quick to believe it’s true and that no verification is needed before we inflict it on the next person?

Why are we so willing to immediately boycott Pepsi (unless, of course, we’re a Pepsi addict, which might diminish our resolve) because they left the words “under God” out of the Pledge of Allegiance, based on a widely circulated missive, without checking it out? (The real story is here.) Or to believe that the ACLU is pushing to remove cross-shaped headstones from federal cemeteries? Or to rise up in indignation that atheists are trying to ban religious broadcasting? (This one goes clear back to 1975 and still resurfaces.)

I’m not sure what I think of Obamacare. I don’t understand Obamacare. (Does anyone understand Obamacare?) But your e-mail “informing” me that it will require me to have a microchip implanted does not help me discern how the law will really affect me.

If you don’t have time to check some basic facts before you send on that piece that so “eloquently” expresses your views, please don’t.

On the other hand, if it’s true, and it’s uplifting, and it will brighten my day, like this one, please click the forward button!